You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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