Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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