Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
