Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
