Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
