When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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