party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
