Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
