is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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