So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
