My nipple is on Facebook.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
whose parrot is this?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
