just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
