not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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