just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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