yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
