So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
