I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
