Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
whose parrot is this?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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