it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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