We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
