Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
50% drunk capacity currently
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
