He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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