I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
