we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
