the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
