She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
