why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
