I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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