I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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