I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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