WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
