This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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