I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
