If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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