I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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