Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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