When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
