did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
