I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
