Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is the high leading the old right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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