It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize