dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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