I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
