On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Couch. On fire.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize