Will you blow on my dice?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
