Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
