Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
