i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
