my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize