matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A bitchslap is in order.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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