Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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