Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
