You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
