I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
