I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
