her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
