some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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