We won't sleep together?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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