the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
