I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize