Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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