First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
