this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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