can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
