Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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