I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
