Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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