i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
