i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
