And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
