Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
