broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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