I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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